Friday, January 30, 2009

Journey to the Center of Louisian Part 2

Now before anyone gets a little scared, women in packs is a scary place to be. Not only do we hunt together (shopping) but we are also menat to find someone.I know what you’re thinking….how can part two get

better. Oh let me tell you it does. And it begins with the buffet. Food is heaven. Repeat after me, food is heaven. Heaven is good. Food is good.

Small little tidbit you might not know but was dying to learn. Harrah’s buffet is the most awesome place ever. Gluttony lives there. It rents and pays the booth rent. When I walked through the doors of the Harrah buffet, everything got zen-like. I achieved super creamy spiritual oneness, but I also thank the heavens for coupons. The food was disgustingly good. They have THE best crawfish etouffee on the planet. And I’ve tried some damn good etouffee! This though made me now want to go to ....New Orleans.... just to try the Cajun food. Yes, I have to admit, its the best.

So stuffing ourselves on some damn good food, we decided to go shopping. Just so you know, it is very dangerous when three women go shopping. And do you now why? Think a pride of lionesses going out hunting and finding a deer. Yes, you are correct, we tore that b*^%^&% up!! Strange huh? But its true, we did a no-holds-bar type of thing. Note to men, do not get in front of a women, and a sale on clothes. You will die a very painful death and not only will you die a painful death but you will be trampled on. So to reiterate, do not get in front of a woman and her clothes; its evolutionary and genetic, we like to shop.

As we are drove down in an outlet mall, we went to Target and started the first leg of the shopping process. Anyone else getting tingly? But this wasn’t that made us absolutely nutter.
It was Target. The Tar of get, the Tarh of Chey. We had fun found a few things at great prices
and then moved on. And so as we are driving to Belks and Ross, we see the store that sang to us. Not only did it sing, it was saying “Praise be Hallalujer!!!” Not Hallelujah, but Hallelujer!. If you know who Madea Simons is, you will understand the joke. So praise lord Hallelujer!!! We pull closer into the parking lot and there it is… the sign. There, my bright light is become, the light of truth….shoe truth... And best yet they had the one sign that any woman loves…..70% off sale! Now to those reading that just doesn’t get it. 70% off sale = multiple orgasm. And as one who loves multiple orgasms, I was in crème-luscious heaven.

THe land the land of good; the land of better fashion and as a true lover of the land of fashion, I do the only thing possible, I ran as fast as I can and screamed the entire time until I hit
the front doors. To all salespersons out there, I am so sorry if you have ever come across a person like me who has frightened the bejezzus out of you. Its just because we are so happy to be in your store. I screamed from the parking lot to the register of the store. And when they ladies looked at me, I smiled gave them a hug and said “We are going to have fun.” 7 shirts, 2 jeans, and 2 dresses later, I was the happiest woman ever!!!”

After that we went shoe shopping. Once again to those that oesn’t understand women. You do not stand in front a woman and a sale. But then again you do not stand in front of woman and her shoes. If they are heels just step that back up because she’s about to cause some serious damage. And if those damage are on sale, pray to baby Jesus that there is not going to be Revelations any time soon. You can join me in that, you can say “Dear baby Jesus in your baby manger…..”

I won’t even begin to say the damage made, and almost 90% was done by Trix. That woman can cause a dent in the shoe economies by letting loose her true nature of shoe-ism. Yes
shoe-ism is a religion; its located next to Buddhism. I have seen one of its followers passionately
dedicate her soul to the religion. What was Honey doing at this time, she was as dumbfounded as I was. Imelda Marcos ahs nothing on these women, Kenneth Cole move over, cause Trix is coming to
town!!! Yeah that’s how much damage was done by Trix. She makes a prostitute say
“DAMN that’s a lot of money.” That sounds bad I know, but the woman knows how to shop.

So you think that’s it for the evening,oh no. We got dressed and decided to go out and about on the town. Have you heard of Charlie’s Angels? Wel that’s what we were, the hottest Charlies Angels on the planet. We even did the pose and the stance! As we all got dressed we got the girls ready, and by girls I mean the beautiful ta-tas that the lord almighty has blessed us with.

Can I get an Amen Hallelujer?

So there we are…all of us dressed to the nines, and ta-ta’s showing stunning cleavage. Now the song I’m about to sing is specifically for Honey. She will understand this tune better than Beethoven himself. Honey….”Ta-ta-ta-taaaaahhhhh”. Still wondering what that is…two words…. Jeff Dunhan.

The boobage response was response was phenomenal. Men everywhere walked into doors, walls, stuttered, tripped, and did everything possibly imaginable when 3 pairs of beautiful cleavage graced their presence. A blonde, brunette and dark brunette, with pretty jigglies…why yes I would be happy too if I was a man. And this is when the revelation came to me…..if I
have this much power and I’m just showing off a little bit of cleavage. I bet you can imagine what I thought after

The evening was great, we gambled, we had men flirting, we were sexy, vibrant women in our prime and best yet in our element. We were being what the heavens meant us to be, gorgeous women, confident women and best yet, beautiful women! And that came true when Trix’s cousin asked, on his way to a bootie call, the precise level of hotness we were. When a man wants to know you and he’s already on his way to booty calls…yeah…that’s power.

Well we bar hopped, scared the valet’s (apparently tipping them more than a couple bucks scares them….just so you know) we drank, we quasi-danced, and then we went in search of other fun places. At first it wasn’t meant to be, the dang hotel kept moving on us. And yes, I believe that buildings can m ve. I believe that if possible, buildings can take off running like a little child
with a small piece of candy in its hand, but we finally made it.

More gambling, more fun and excitement and it all came to a winding halt when the hunger pang hit. And how do you tackle post drunkenness? You go clog your arteries at the Waffle House. Yes I know, its when you care enough to eat the most dangerous best. .

Strange as it may seem, there is nothing better than having a bacon biscuit at 4 in the morning. Your stomach will cuss you out, yell at you, scream at you and stomp its foot, but the rest of you will be thanking you in ways that can help you get through the night.

At the end of the night, the tally was just phenomenal.

Number of times you said “Wow my boobs look great!” – Five

Number of times gambling no longer became a sport but a
vendetta – A few.

Hot men hitting on you, making you wish you had a music video about it – infinitely Number of times men said DAYUM at your cleavage –
over a hundred.


Carley said...

Hi! This is Trix... Can I say that the man in the shoe store will never again think a blonde with an attitude is joking when she says she needs AT LEAST 3 bags to fit my shoes in. Now my fave author, are you not going to share our magical side adventure on our search for souvenirs with your avid readers? I think you should...

Mila Ramos said...

Hey girl, that part is going to go up in a little bit. I wanted people to read Rebecca's poetry, its so grrrrrrr-licious. But do not fret, the truck adventure continues!


Carley said...

You're right about Rebecca's poetry. It's yummy!!!

Ray said...

Absolutely love Louisiana food. The first time I drove to New Orleans I stopped at a little cafe outside the city for a shrimp burger.

When I was in New Orleans aboard ship there was a radio station that had a food club program that featured one of the better restaurants each week. Members of the food club would meet for lunch at the featured restaurant. The radio program would have the chef discuss the recipe of the mouthwatering specialties of the house.

Years ago I stayed in a hotel on Canal Street just uptown from the French Quarter that had a checkout time of 6 PM. Most guests didn't check in until the wee hours of the morning.

The funniest incident was a young boy about ten shining shoes for 10 cents (this was in 1964). He asked my buddy when he agreed to a shine, "Mr. if I can tell you where you got your shoes will you give me a quarter?" "OK" "You got one shoe on the shoeshine stand and the other shoe on the sidewalk." The boy got a quarter.


Mila Ramos said...

That is amazing!! But I do have to admit that is the funniest thing I have heard about the little boy. lol. I am hoping to be able to go again to Louisiana. It was awesome over all and I can't get over all the casino's especially the gas stations.